First Thing Here...

Where should I start?

Today 3/October/2015 12.11am

I started thinking about making new friends (esp, Foreigners) and having some changes in my lifestyle. Last year, I dropped my study because of my job. It sounds kinda stupid because It seems like I can't work on that school stuff anymore. But after a week of no school, I felt like I'm so useless and realized I miss school and friends. Go on and on, I was focus on my job only. Yeah ! Like they said, We can't do better on both thing at a time. Back to that time, My both thing which is mean Job and Study are no better but then, I quite school, my job is getting better or if I quite my job, my school stuffs will getting better by the way. One day I found something that was keep me away from feeling useless. I wrote a book, a love novel. I'm working on it to publish it next year, 2016. Honestly, I feel so down right now. I faced some problem a lot lately. I can't sleep, I think a lot and my face is look so scary. The problem that I faced outside is good enough to hurt me like the problem I faced inside and inside I mean house, Family. Mom and Dad are so busy working and take a great care of my goddamn sister who has fallen in love with a dumb ass guy. My sister gave the whole family a hard time that we haven't had before. Mom was cry everyday, I always comfort her. She told me to comfort my sister too and I did.When she's with him, she changed. She's not my sister, not the one I used to know my whole life. She was never talked to me, she said bad words to mom, she may thought that there were two of hers is enough but she's wrong. When she broke up with her boyfriend, she came to me and family. She told us she's down, need comfort. I was the one who haven't talk to her for a long time, started to talk to her again and happy to welcome back my sister. Suddenly, Two days after, My sister and that scary man was getting to contact each other again while the last two days, she talked all the bad things about his boyfriend to me and everyone in the family. She's stop talking to me again. She treated me like I'm the wind blows in the air. I didn't say anything, just hopefully she has her happiness. Mom who was just started to be happy became sad again but she love and worried about my sister even more. Mom doesn't have time to talk to me or ask me about my job or get involve with my business anymore. She's so busy with a lot of thing. I don't blame her for that but I can't deny I still have one doubt. Why mom doesn't take her a little time from worrying about the one who hurt her but just look and talk to me, the one who has comforted, never have hurt her this whole time, this whole family. I need just 30 minutes with her to tell her about my stuffs, not a sad stuffs but what I achieved, what I faced. I just need some mother discussion or advice like we used to do before. Dad always quite, when I talk to him about something so I have nothing to tell him. my brother is too young, all he can do is listen to my story but can't help or give me any ideas. So now I'm all alone. I told myself to be strong. Work, Earn Money and let them sit and watch me and admire me. #Iwillbestrong